Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
