If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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