i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
