don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I wish you could order shots online.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
