somebody snuck up and got me drunk
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
