i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
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I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
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I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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