My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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