I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
