She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
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Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
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Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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