every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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