He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
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Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
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Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize