i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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