So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
