Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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