The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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