If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize