You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
me + whiskey = a bad person
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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