Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
