He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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