i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
