I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
