I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
