Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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