wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
