he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
