OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
