I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
