And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
