His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Randomize
