ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
the liver wants what the liver wants
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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