I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
