My nipple is on Facebook.
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
