When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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