Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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