i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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