Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
