you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
