whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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