I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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