She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
