dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
