She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
