I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
