my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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