I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
