then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
