Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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