so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
