You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
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You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
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Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
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