mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
a search helicopter?!
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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