I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
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