I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
