so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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