i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
