I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
