i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
