I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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