put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
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The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
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Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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