can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Vodka?
Forever.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
