why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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