she woke up with a sticky ear
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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