I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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