billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
