five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
