Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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