So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
