Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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