Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Screwed.edu
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
