I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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