you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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