she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
