I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
