I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Randomize
