I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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