Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
