guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
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